Boris von Heesen: “Men also suffer from unhealthy stereotypes”

What does a business graduate who spent many years working as a manager and entrepreneur do when he suddenly starts focusing on toxic masculinity Boris von Heesen took exactly this unusual path. After working in business and the digital sector, he turned to a social issue that had long gone unnoticed: the impact of traditional ideas of masculinity. In his book “The Cost of Men”, he calculates the enormous financial and social damage caused by male-dominated behavior, including violence, addiction, and risky decisions in professional life. He speaks in clear terms, but also offers constructive suggestions. Von Heesen gave a talk at the Fondsfrauen Summit 2025, and in this interview with Fondsfrauen, we discuss how men and women differ in the world of work and what we could all gain by questioning outdated role models.

Mr von Heesen, when men read your book title “The Cost of Men,” do they feel attacked?
I myself was socialized as a man in this society, and it is by no means the case that I have overcome all the unhealthy male stereotypes. I am a man and I work closely with men. Maybe I am sometimes too loud or too aggressive in what I say. But we have to name the problem. It hurts me when men often do not even manage to turn the book over and read the text on the back cover. It says, “The patriarchy is a burden for everyone, including men.” That is the truth. Men also suffer from unhealthy stereotypes.

What is the idea behind your book “The Cost of Men”
Men are socialized differently from women in our society. This has various consequences and I address them. For example, in the areas of traffic accidents, domestic violence, white-collar crime, theft, unhealthy eating, football hooliganism, and incarceration. My intention is not to badmouth men, but to highlight the imbalances caused by patriarchy. Ultimately, everyone suffers from this: men, women, and children. In the book, I use a specific approach by translating the consequences of this imbalance into monetary values. When you attach a price tag to social issues, you attract more attention.

What is your conclusion in the end? What is the actual cost of men
I examined social areas for which publicly available data exists and from which the gender imbalance can be measured in terms of cost. I always use reliable cost indicators so that I do not have to estimate anything myself. For example, the Federal Highway Research Institute calculates the societal cost of traffic accidents, which is 12 billion euros, and breaks down the data by gender. Based on that, I looked at who causes most of the damage. The most serious accidents are largely caused by men.

I went through each category this way. For instance, 94 percent of people in prison are men, and only 6 percent are women. The average daily cost of imprisonment in Germany is 130 euros. So I was able to calculate the additional costs caused by male incarceration, which amount to 3 billion euros per year.

Are there public data available for all relevant areas
Unfortunately, no. There is no public data for many areas I would have liked to include. Take tax evasion, for example, which places a huge burden on society. There are no official data on that. Major financial crimes are also overwhelmingly committed by men. Think of Bernard Cornfeld, Bernard Madoff, the Cum-Ex scandal, the diesel emissions scandal, or the Wirecard collapse.

Seriously, do women cause fewer social costs in every category
There are a few exceptions. Women are more affected by prescription drug addiction. They account for three quarters of medication-related addictions in Germany. When it comes to illegal drugs, however, 80 percent of users are men. Men also make up 75 percent of those with alcohol addiction and 65 percent of smokers. Among heavy smokers, the ratio is 80 percent men to 20 percent women. If you add everything up, the framework of traditional masculinity costs 63.5 billion euros per year in Germany alone.

Why do men and women behave so differently
We are all shaped by our society, and there are many unhealthy stereotypes for men, such as “be loud,” “be clever,” or “assert yourself.” Men suffer from these stereotypes too, because they create limitations. It becomes very hard for us to talk about feelings. Where is my pain, my fear, my shame? Women are generally better at expressing and living these things due to their socialization. I do not know many men who have true friends they can go to and talk about the things that really weigh on them.

Does this apply to you personally as well
I work hard to maintain my friendships with other men. I keep realizing that I should reach out to my male friends more often.

You studied business, worked as an entrepreneur, and are now an author and consultant. How did you come to focus on toxic masculinity and the societal costs of male behavior
I have always been interested in masculinity as a topic. That interest was sparked partly by local programs in Mainz. For example, there was a men's day where men could talk openly in a safe space. The experience I had there was absolutely fantastic.

You later worked in the social sector and saw a lot
Yes, about 25 years ago, I was the director of a drug support organization in Frankfurt. They run supervised consumption rooms, and I worked there as well. I was stunned to see that over 90 percent of the users were men. I then looked into alcohol and tobacco statistics, as well as data on violence and traffic offenses.

What motivated you to write the book
I was outraged by how skewed the statistics are. I had a general sense of the trend, but when I found out that 92 percent of revoked driver’s licenses go to men, I was still surprised. That outrage gave me energy. The media also picked up the topic.

Are men satisfied with their situation within the patriarchy
In relationships, men are usually content. It is accepted that they do not talk about their problems. In the end, it is often women who initiate breakups. They see that something is not right.

You argue that male norms cause major societal costs, such as violence, addiction, and illness. Do these behaviors also cause economic harm within companies
The only area that comes to mind is white-collar crime. We already discussed how the biggest corporate crimes have been committed by men. The overall cost of corporate crime committed by men compared to women amounts to 1.57 billion euros. That also includes smaller offenses like forged signatures.

What would you like to see from companies
My personal belief is that companies perform better when men and women work together in equal numbers. One reason is that women become more confident when they are not a small minority, but when gender parity is more or less in place. Politics too would likely produce fewer societal costs if we had real gender parity. It would support healthier development if both fathers and mothers had realistic chances of holding management positions. Companies in Denmark say, “No executive works more than 75 percent of full time,” because they want their employees to also have a life outside their role.

You are the managing director of a company yourself. How is gender parity there
At Flexible Youth Services, we have 160 employees. We stick to our principle of not working full time, because we believe family and personal life matter. I myself have a 30-hour contract. Of course, there are times when I get called on weekends. In management, we are currently two men and one young woman. She will replace me as soon as she is ready.

Studies show that men apply for leadership roles more often, even when they do not meet all the criteria. Women tend to be more reserved, especially in salary negotiations. How do you explain this difference
The explanation is always the same. Men are more accustomed to competing. It starts in the sandbox. Over time, we pick up certain codes and behaviors, often without bad intentions. Women are only just starting to do this and still need to find their way. We men simply have a 150-year head start.

One thing I would like to add: I do not think that salary should be the only thing a leader negotiates. What about working hours, flexibility, a positive work environment? In these areas, men could learn a lot from women.

In many companies, power is still associated with dominance and assertiveness, which are traditionally seen as male traits. What does this mean for female leaders and their career paths
We need to think about how to create a corporate culture where traits often labeled as feminine, such as cooperation, empathy, and caution, are also valued as leadership qualities.

What structural changes are needed so that men can break free from outdated role models in the workplace and embrace part-time or caregiving roles
We need to address multiple levels. We should support men by creating conditions that allow them to live a life with more involvement in family and caregiving work. Only then can it become normal for men to take on more of that responsibility. Or for it to be easier for men to take parental leave. Spain has good studies on this. There, both parents receive six weeks of leave.

We also need to abolish the joint tax filing benefit for married couples. That concept is outdated and keeps women stuck in traditional roles.

What is your message to society
We have to address gender stereotypes. Women are still raised, consciously or not, to be caring, to focus on their appearance, and to take care of others. Boys are raised to aim for big careers. I do not want to take anything away from anyone. A man should be able to pursue a career if he wants to. But our society should also fully support a man who wants to watch his children grow up.

Masculine traits can have positive aspects too. Striving for achievement and pushing boundaries can drive development. Without courage and boldness, Columbus might never have discovered America. Even Mark Zuckerberg recently called for more masculine energy in the workplace. What do you think about that?
I have a problem with the term “masculine energy.” Of course we need curiosity, energy, and creativity to drive innovation. But why should only men have these qualities Curiosity and boldness are human traits. If women were socialized like men, I am sure the number of female inventors would rise significantly.

What can society and parents do to channel the drive and energy of men into constructive paths?
Parents do have influence, but not as much as people think. The social environment is incredibly powerful. We still fall into the pink and blue trap: cars for boys, dolls for girls. We need parents to be role models, both strong men and strong women. We need men who do their share at home without questioning it. We need mothers who build careers and tell their children, “I love you, but I want to have a career too.”

What is stronger: biology or social conditioning
I do not know, because there are studies supporting both views. But one thing is clear. We can change social conditioning. Biology is fixed. If biology is what remains at the end, then so be it.

Are the men with the bigger sports cars the happier ones?
Of course not. These images are fed to us by the car industry. Who is truly a happy and attractive man Someone who cares for his children and thinks about the future of the planet. That is an attractive man.

What can women do to challenge male-dominated power structures in the workplace without losing themselves?
That is incredibly difficult, because they are part of a system that surrounds them. A woman entering a male-dominated leadership environment has to fight hard to avoid being pulled into the male worldview and to consistently speak from a female perspective. It is hard for her to call out sexism every time. The same goes for men. If I am at a football game and someone makes a homophobic comment about the referee, it is not easy to speak up.

We can start small. For example, women can open the door for a man. We can talk about female doctors and female CEOs as a matter of course.

Finally, if you could give one piece of advice to women in the finance industry – ambitious, smart, driven women – on how to handle traditional male role models at work, what would it be?
I was invited to the Fondsfrauen Summit this year. What impressed me most was the sisterhood, how the women stood side by side. That would be my advice, which I learned from you: women should form alliances with other women, so they can support one another and create fertile ground for progress in the workplace.

Men have been doing that for a long time...
I am not so sure about that. The way men behave with each other is often romanticized. In reality, there is a lot of competition and scheming. When women act that way, it immediately becomes a big story.

Thank you for these powerful insights and best of luck in your continued efforts toward greater equality.

Foto: Boris von Heesen (2025)

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